Plain and Peachy

I just don't understand people who judge others based on first impressions. I admit I used to be one of them but I've been proven way many times how wrong I am and how much more wrong it is to judge negatively. What I also don't understand more are those you think you know...but nope, you are too kind to think good of them whereas they are busy judging you wrongly. Screw those people. They are seriously so full of themselves that they think they are better than everyone else. Well, wake up sweethearts, guess what, who cares? Being better does not mean you are more good-hearted or so. There are a lot of things in life, genuinity for example, which are much more precious. So, go ahead, judge me. Call me plain. Call me ordinary. Call me mediocre. I don't freaking care because at the end of the day, I am being true to myself. I am being me, I am not trying to please and impress every single person. Besides I may not be peachy-looking to you, but those who do aren't even who they try to be. I guess it just figures how people like you are too shallow and dumb to see things differently. Ha! Your loss people, because you are stuck with the fakes.

So, yeah I may be a proud plain-looking speck, but at least I am not a pretentious peach.

Mirror, Mirror

So I am quite easily annoyed at some people, especially when hormones are responsible for my actions.  But right now I don't see why that is to be blamed because it is not the time of the month yet. I see a few tweets of this classmate of mine and I find myself being irritated at such petty reasons. Then I realize maybe because I see myself in her. I am her. I mean, we are similar in some aspects so maybe that is why I feel annoyed at her for some reasons. Does that mean people are annoyed at me the way I am at her?? Okay better change that. Well I guess even if that's the case I can always know when to change for the better, right? Hurrah for overthinking and midnight theoretical thoughts!

Ignorance is Bliss, Indeed

I never thought I am this ignorant and conservative. Reading a few intense stories in The Elbi Files makes me think of myself as innocent as a baby. Despite being as conservative as a 'manang,' I am an avid reader who is not picky when it comes to the genre so I am in the know of some liberated things too. But that does not prepare me for what I read in that page. I am shocked at how often those cases happen within the vicinity of our university. Living in a homy and conservative dormitory (Fifth of September Mansion hihi) makes me feel relieved because thoughts about scenarios like sex, rape, sexual harrassment and the like (among students) do not pop into my mind. Seriously, I feel ignorant about this kind of stuff. I just feel kinda scarred for life and frightened a bit. To think that I told myself I will try applying YOLO to my life next semester like try going to events or parties. But... I don't know, I am still open to that as long as I know the crowd or something. Yep, maybe it just depends on who you are with. Not all people are as awful as some people who deserve to be screwed by karma. Oh yeah, my (lack of) social life still has a chance! And by the way I feel glad for those people posting too personal stuff like that in The Elbi Files. I salute their courage to accept and share the horrid stuff that they had to go through. I know they are seriously scarred for life, but I am grateful for them. At least somehow they inform and prepare us for the inevitable. We become knowledgable of what is going on. Ignorance may be bliss, most of the time, but somehow it does not hurt to be in the know. Life will catch us by surprise at some point so we better be prepared and ready.

P.S. I should probably learn self defense... Haha.

I'm a scholar too, Iskolar ng Bayan

Earlier this afternoon I was tweeting and downloading songs when I saw my sister's post. She's a dean's lister! My initial reaction was, "Aaah so proud of her!" then I got jealous a bit. I am not jealous because we have this rivalry (we don't) or something, heck no. I am jealous because I have to work my butt off, probably not sleep at all or cut off every minute of my internet time, to achieve that in school. Well, UP is a bitch somehow, because I don't think I can do that nor would I. I can get insane with that serious studying! But seriously, I mean, maybe I can be a DL, or in our case a US (University scholar) or CS (College scholar), but frankly with all that is going on, I simply cannot. At extreme cases I would even cheer for a grade of tres! I am glad though I already felt how to be a CS in one semester in my college life, I had five 1.5s and one dos. It was an achievement. But with so many majors coming up, I don't think I can do that again. I'm lucky if I even get a grade higher than dos. Yep, UP is a bitch.

If I Had a Twin, It Will Be You

Happy birthday Sai! I miss you! I know I haven't been such a good friend lately but I want you to know distance and communication doesn't hinder our friendship. You still matter to me dearly and I love you so much no matter how seldom we talk or meet. You're one of the sweetest person I know, and a few of the beautiful people I know inside and out, please stay that way. ;) A lot of people care for you and love you because of who you are and I admire you a lot, seeing how great you are with people and knowing you are a good daughter, friend and person. You deserve great things, and I hope you will be blessed more. Let's catch up and see you soon! Love you! Forever twins, okay? ;;)

Brave

I saw my sister tweeting stuff again, drama overload kind of stuff, so I asked her what's up and we chatted. It is seldom for us to have these mature talks that break my heart a little but at the same time I feel glad that we are both growing up. We are in the know of serious things and we just don't think or talk about petty stuff. But my heart shatters knowing that I know how it feels to be at the bottom. I know how it feels to feel like crying is the only way out. I know the feeling of succumbing to the pain and almost getting insane with all the depressing thoughts. I seriously know how she feels. And I know how much that sucks. It sucks so bad that I don't want her to feel all those things. I don't want to see her become messed up like suicidal people I see on the web, posting what-nots about depression-stained life. But what sucks more is that I don't know what to do about it or if I can do something about it. I am certain I cannot do anything about what is causing all this, because personally that is also my problem but I choose not to acknowledge it often. I try to shift my attention to my (lack of) lovelife, so maybe this is the reason why I have fallen head-crazy-over-heels for that certain guy! Anyway, I can change her outlook regarding the problem like I keep on giving her advice and techniques to divert her attention, but if she chooses to maintain how she sees things, it's useless. Anyway I hope she knows what she's doing, because if I were in her shoes I would will myself not to cry and breakdown, I would stick to the plan and motivate myself. The plan is to be strong no matter what storm comes my way. It is either a lesson or a challenge. We're stronger than we think we are. All we need is to be brave enough to know that and keep it in mind. I'm too full of pride to cry too because I know that God is bigger than my problems. I have a lot of faith in Him and I know He is telling me to be strong. Also, being in my lowest point, the only way from here is to go up. That is at least something to keep in mind and anticipate, right? And, one of the most effective way to fight this is to be grateful for what you have. Sometimes when I find time I write on my little notebook 10 Things I am thankful for on that day. It makes me feel happy and blessed. No matter how bad my day was there will surely be ten things I will be grateful for. The Lord will never fail nor abandon us. It is just up to us if we acknowledge all He has done/keeps on doing for us. So, see, it's just all in the mind. We can do something about the impediments that often arrive in our lives. We can make ourselves be greater and much stronger than them. As long as we believe in it, we can.


P.S. Love this song: Brave - Sara Bareilles <3 p="">

Last Friday Niiight

I don't know if it's a proud thing to say but last night I finally drank alcohol! It was flavored vodka mixed with Sprite so I liked it since taste is one of the issues why I don't drink. I'm glad I spent my first time with my closest friends because I was seriously paranoid! This is the number one issue: I fear I might go crazy on them or do random dancing (I don't dance!). I just felt sleepy and my head was spinning a bit but other than that I felt normal. Thank you, friends, because now I won't hesitate anymore but I still don't like drinking. Hashtag medyo good girl, hashtag medyo self conscious.

Life is Not Black and White

I frown as I see the empty vast sky,
Starless, moon-free and pitch-black,
Ready to suck anything away,
Ready to consume all the light.
I suppress a sigh, it will not be dark forever.


The universe is made up of different hues and shades.
It's not all black, it's not all happy colors.
But life is not black and white.
It is sometimes dull and gray,
Mostly bright and happy.


The stars are shining as I look up again.
The brighter days are coming, they say.
I beam at them and they dismissed me with a twinkle.
Yes, there are brighter days, I tell myself,
And they are coming.

Yin Yang

So there's this guy and I fell for his personality and the little things especially like the way he says a word, the way he shuts the door or how interesting his interests are. He makes me distracted when he's around but I love talking to him because he's just the type who would listen to anything you would say and will even ask follow up questions. His smile is so contagious that I smile when he does. He looks like a snob at first (probably like me) but when you get to know him he is quite the person who smiles a lot. He also looks mysterious but he's friendly and approachable. He seems super shy but he is honest and straightforward when you ask or offer him something. It's just ridiculous how one person can be all that!

I think I may have found the epitome of a perfect guy for me. He is far from perfect and we are total opposites. We probably don't like the same things but there is something in him that is making me fall for him, and the more that I know more about him makes me fall harder. I just think that he is everything that I am not - simply put, we will complement each other. I seriously think we will look cute and funny together because I will frown and scrunch my nose at his taste in music, among other things, and he will laugh at mine. It might be a good thing because we will meet halfway and we will learn to be open-minded and flexible. And frankly I really do find him interesting.

And one thing is for sure. I want to get to know him. I want to enter his world and know everything about him. I have more of these thoughts I refuse to fathom because I fear that I might jinx things that I badly wish to happen. I think I might over-think and over-fantasize things (if I haven't already) that I will end up falling head first - disappointed and heartbroken. But of course I should not assume because more often than not assumptions tend to be wrong. I should just be myself and I must have self-confidence. And at the end of the day if he is not bound to fall for me as I have for him, somebody else will. ♥