Note: This was originally written via mobile last July 29, 2012, about 2 weeks ago.
I once had a 'crush' or something like that on this guy in my biotech class. That was during the first semester of my freshman year. He was seated behind me but there was no particular arrangement actually because the seat we occupied in our first day was good for the whole semester. So I guess we were at the right place at the right time? (Corny, I know. Sorry, guys, I'm kidding!)
I didn't actually like him or get attracted or something like that at first. I just notice him whenever I arrive, or if he passes by when I'm earlier than him. Then I got the habit of anticipating to see him every Wednesdays and Fridays, and well, I guess that was it. An inspiration to drive your lazy butt to class. But is that considered a crush, really? Well, I really do't know. Maybe something like that.
Imagine how surprised I were when I saw him in my math class exactly a year after I first saw him. Thank goodness there were no butterflies in my stomach nor did I feel my heart pounding like a drum, I just found myself succumbing to this feeling of familiarity. I felt like, hey, I once knew this guy. I was with him in class twice a week in six months and we were not even more than a meter away from each other. Seeing him shocked as I were the first day in class, I reckon he recognized me alright. I caught hi steal a glance at me while I pretended that I cannot see him, which was impossible considering the fact that, believe it or not, he was right in front of me, just two rows away, but the row in between us was vacant. Fortunately there wasn't a permanent arrangement in this class, so that awkward moment did not occur so often. Going back, I knew he recognized me. I don't know how to describe this situation because last time I checked, there were no personal and mutual feelings shared between us two semesters ago. So tell me, why was that so awkward??
Math class is our last class everyday so after that I had a dinner date with my friends and I was telling them this, how small LB (Los Banos, furthermore, UPLB) could be at times or how coincidental that was. we were already at one of our favorite eating places (Must I even say it is owned by fellow Kapampangan people?) when I stopped and almost froze. The guy I was telling them, the same guy I am telling you in this post, was going to eat there too! Like, my golly, are you kidding me? Is fate playing with me or something? Well, nothing much happened that evening, aside from being seated back to back and even if we can't see each other, the awkwardness radiated oh-so-strongly.
That was around six weeks ago, and well, yesterday after our exam, I saw him walking in front of us. I was with my friend and we were on our way to Vega mall, as usual. He, on the other hand, was with a girl, a pretty one I must say, and suddenly, I felt a pang of uneasiness or disturbance. Not pain, though. I'm pretty sure of that. Yet, I can't explain why I'm so affected because I know for a act that I don't like him in that certain way.
But seriously, I don''t know... I think maybe affection towards someone never goes away or technically like how the saying "Love Never Dies," goes, it's just the way how this works. Let's use an analogy for example. There's this pair of shoes you had eyes on when you passed by a store, and then maybe after a week or two, you see them again and you wouldn't feel otherwise, would you? You'll still feel the same, and you'd still like them. Right? Maybe it's the same thing with having a distinct feeling (love, likeness or perhaps something undetermined) towards somebody. It just never goes away. Yeah, it may fade away a little or maybe aggravate, but I reckon it wouldn't die. Ever.
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