This Rain Tonight

I feel lonesome tonight


Like the weather is syncing with my mood


The rain has no intention of stopping


Raindrops deliberately falling


Like little pieces of rocks onto a metal


Each on creating its participating noise


Every drop joining to create a symphony

I can feel my mood falling in

I want to scream my heart out of this gloominess

I feel like being mad at everyone in this world

Or I just want to sleep

Leave this freaking reality

Run away to my dream world instead

Fantasize about happy thoughts

Forget about all those horrid things left behind

I notice the sound of rain the second time


Making me think all over again


I never really liked the vibe it gives


I almost as if washes away the good things


The good vibes, good mood, everything good, I swear


It just sucks out the optimism left in me


Turning my smile into a grimace


Shifting my mood from rainbows-and-butterflies to screw-the-world

Well, this rain.

I hope it stops sometime soon.

It's draining the happiness out of me.

And I can't help it.

I Like You Even If I May Be Taller Than You

So, I'm going to talk about Mr. 3.5 Guy. I even stalked our mutual friends' photos just to look for a picture of him. (I am such a stalker. Sorry, guys. Haha!) So here is his photo. I do hope no one would recognize him or else, I'm so dead. Hahaha! If you do know him, please message me or something! Anywho, I don't know anything about him aside from his name (His facebook account is private, but his whole name is shown.) I also think I know his favorite color because of his watch and umbrella. I'm just assuming that it is, I'm not so sure.

Before anything else, I want to share how I had a crush on him. Just like what I mentioned, we belong in the same lecture class in Math, but not in Recit though. At first he was not really my crush, but there was this moment. I remember it perfectly, unforgettable but not so cheesy. We were in our lecture class, discussing, and believe me or not I always pay attention. So as I was paying attention, a friend, who was behind me, nudged my other friend, who was beside me. Friend #1 was asking about a cute guy, but I think Friend #2 did not know him because Friend #1 asked me too. I leaned on my left to look at Friend #1 behind me. Confused, I said, "Sino? (Insert name here)?" Surely I did not know the guy also. But while I was still looking at my friend, I felt the urge to look ahead on the other side of the lecture hall, wherein this guy (MR. 3.5 GUY!), who was exactly the first person I'm going to see if I look that way, was also looking directly at me! Well, that was it. Told you, not really cheesy. I just felt something and well, I noticed him after that. But I remember him, I think I spotted him already before and I thought he was cute despite of his height.

So there, since then I've been looking for him before and after class. I just wish there would be a chance to talk to him or something. I think I'm infatuated! ♥_♥

But this is just a happy crush, okay! He's an inspiration, not any kind of distraction. So there's really no harm in fantasizing about him and getting kiligs all over when I see him. ;)

Crossing my fingers for serendipity to be in my favor, ciao!

Note: This is an Extreme Case of "Kaartehan"

Last year if you'd ask me what I would like in a guy physically, I would definitely answer taller than me, fair-skinned, physically fit, chinito-eyed and strikingly handsome. You should possess all those "requirements" for me to like you. (Haha! Gosh, narrow-minded much. Forgive me, guys.) However, today, my current crush who's in my math class got only 3.5 out of those 5 attributes. And would you believe that of all the things that he would miss, it was the HEIGHT! I mean, helloooo, that's like the most important part except maybe being strikingly handsome or cute. Really, I'm frustrated because I might even be taller than him (I hope not!!!). BUT... I still like him despite that.

I would choose him everyday (who's short, er, I mean vertically challenged) over some tall guy who's, uh, not so handsome. Haha! Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. There's scarcity when it comes to guys who are "gwapo or pogi" in LB, so you shouldn't be so choosy. Haha!

I want to share something too. I heard this on the radio in the bus weeks ago while I was on my way to LB. It goes like, "Ang crush ay parang math problem... Kung hindi mo makuha, titigan mo nalang." Haha, true! I've been staring at different crushes for years now because that's the only thing I can do aside from stalking them, probably. That's because you cannot make someone feel something that he doesn't, and that's life, it is cruel at times. Here is a song that a friend of mine shared to me a month ago when my lovelife was on the verge between "nothing" and "something that probably won't happen ever":

I Can't Make You Love Me

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Gosh, that's a really heartbreaking song especially if there's something up. Just imagine me about a month ago feeling so heartbroken and all, then I listened to this song and I was close to tears! But I guess I was stronger than that, I didn't shed a tear. Haha! Anyway, I gave up the fight. There's no point of fighting because I can't make HIM love me if he doesn't. :)

Right now I'm contented with having a crush and somehow I'm glad I repeated Math because if not then I wouldn't have met him. Just a bit. Haha. By the way, here is his score:

taller than me - Sadly, no. :(

fair-skinned - Yes!

physically fit - Not too thin, not too fat either. So, yeah. :)

chinito-eyed - Yep!

strikingly handsome - He's handsome and cute, but not really strikingly. So, I gave him half a point! :)

 

 

So there, Mr. 3.5! ♥

(I'll just make a blog post about him. This is getting longer than it should be.)  So yeah.. Sorry about all that blabbering. Haha! Ciao!

Men's Residence Hall Unit 5 Room 5208 ♥

My laptop just notified me that I have to delete some files for disk space. As I was sorting out the files and folders to know which I’m going to delete, I stumbled upon a few pictures from last semester. I immediately felt nostalgic while viewing these. :")

So, these were my roommates for almost a year, and I never thought it was that easy to get attached to people you just met. I miss them so much now that since we had “separated ways.” I just hope I’ll see them soon and maybe have a dinner date with them. Miss you girls! ♥♥♥

You Need To Go Down for You to Go Up

It's the time of the year again wherein every student would wish all night that classes would be suspended the following day due to the nonstop rain. As for me, I'm loving this cuddle-ish and cold weather but pretty bummed because it sort of ruins the vibe for a nice family day out.I'm staying with my relatives (kinda my second family) in Paranaque and for the first time we didn't stroll in the mall. Bummer, right? Anyway, we're on our way home from lunch when I realized this rain wants me to study for my exams for this week because like I said, it's a first time that we did not stay out till dinner. Then, a weird thought popped into my mind: I'm actually excited to review! Like, OMG, am I kidding myself?! Haha! I got weirded our honestly but I'm half-certain that I'm really excited to review and take my exams.

Well, as how my title goes, you definitely need to go down in order to go up. I had to fail a subject for me to get my head in the game. Life certainly has a way of teaching us the hard way and making us learn from our mistakes. It's just a shame I had to disappoint a lot of important people (uh, family) before learning to give my 101% in my academics. But, maybe this is how it is supposed to be.It is all about making mistakes, stumbling down, learning from them then getting up proudly. Yep, I learned my lesson! I now know better and I would make it up to everyone by doing better in my studies. Sipag mode all the way! Woohoo! :)

Random Realizations

Random Realization #1:
I'm so proud of myself for not being late today! I mean, in our group meeting. (I tend to be late at times in my classes this sem!) I'm trying to be more punctual now because it seems rude for someone to be always late, you know, and I used to be like that especially in high school. I just think it's inappropriate and unfair too because I, myself, reallyyyy hate waiting. So anyway, I guess I should start changing ways if I expect people to do so, right?


Random Realization #2:
I'm currently reading The Perks of a Wallflower (Oh my gosh, I was just about to type 'wallpaper'! Lol!) courtesy of Kwong, she recently bought it and the bookworm that I am, I immediately borrowed it when I saw it on our shelf. I have been eyeing this for months but I tend to forget to buy one, or I buy other books instead. Anywaaay, in case you haven't read it yet, it's about this guy who's antisocial and a bit weird, and well, I think he's also depressed? Then I suddenly thought of the books that I read recently, It's Kind of a Funny Story and The Fault in our Stars. The first one is about this guy who's really depressed yet to think that others got it worse, he doesn't really seem likely to be depressed and then one day he accidentally admits himself into a mental ward and then he realizes he's not depressed. The second one is one of my favorite reads yet. It's about this girl who's suffering from lung cancer who falls in love with a guy who also suffered frim cancer. Gosh, I swear I got kilig and all, despite their situation. I even got too attached and so caught up with the book that I cried in the end! Really! It's a must-read! Sooo anyway, my point is what is up with the genre of the books that I'm suddenly into?? I'm not depressed or troubled in case you're trying to read between the lines! But, nonetheless, I love these kind of books wherein I can learn tons and you'll just appreciate what you have more. I swear, I was suddenly so grateful for my life, merely for being alive even, when I finished the book. I'll just make a book review next time, this is getting longer for a realization. Haha.

Random Realization #3:
I'm grateful for my newly-found close friends! Well, they are Gia and Mira, they're my blocmates and I knew them since last year but it's just now that we got closer because we are super classmates. I have a lot of close friends who I just met this college but it's way different when you're with people who just get you. I mean, we have the same 'trip' and all, we almost even dress the same, I swear! Hehe! I'm just glad that I have them, yay for a social life in college! Lol! Hahaha.

Random Realization #4:
Two words: Puppy love. Yep, you read it right. We. Want. That. Now. Hehe maybe within this year, please?? I'm the last one to get back so when I got in our room a while ago, they were in the middle of a heart-to-heart talk. Then I realized they're talking about the topic I know so well. Haha! Imo was telling us that before we reach 20, we must at least have a 'puppy love' or something. Nothing so serious, maybe just an inspiration or a source of butterflies in our tummies, you know. Just out-of-the-blues realizations that we always talk about and share with one another at most nights. I even remember we were also talking last night and we were talking about people who get blinded by love and well, whose studies are affected too. I told them I think that is the reason why my parents and aunts forbid (YES, FORBID.) me from having a boyfriend but I know that I'm not the type who would risk my studies like that. Mind over heart! Besides, I know my priorities, okay! But I guess there's nothing wrong with being too safe, so I'll be a good girl who would obey them and would just settle for crushes. Hehehe.

So that's it, just some random realizations. I hope what I wrote has some sense or something! Sorry, weird like that. ;)

I Have Died Everyday Waiting For You

"I have died everyday waiting for you, darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I have loved you for a thousand more..." -A Thousand Years by Christina Perri ♥

OMG this song, I'm pretty sure I just heard it now and I fell for it head-over-heels, I swear! But, HONESTLY, I didn't fall for it because of the lyrics, I loved the tune more. Seriously, I can hear myself sing it all day in my mind. LSS all throughout! I think because I just love songs which have this soothing power to shift your mood or make you feel relaxed and all.

This is definitely my new favorite song! ;)

Proud Ninang ♥

 

I just came across these photos like a few minutes ago (credits to my cousin, Kuya Seyb) and I suddenly missed Kyle! He's my first ever inaanak, so I'm still a proud and giddy Ninang even up to now. Haha!


Just sharing these. By the way I also missed my long hair! Sigh.

Welcome Home, JILL!!!

I got giddy and all when we caught Jill on FB, where we found out she was in the Philippines already. She has been in Sardinia, Italy for a year and we miss her so muuuch already! So there, just imagine us surprised, Jill. :) And.. we're so sorry your "supposedly surprise visit" didn't surprise us. :)))

I think Jhared and Jill reached LB at around 12mn? Upon their arrival, Kwong got down first, I followed after a minute and then Imo and Rose next. The first thing that I noticed is how tan Jill is! Just look at this photo on the left, that's her color, no lighting tricks or whatsoever. But I wanted to laugh at her facial reaction so badly as I approached her. She really got irritated, annoyed, or even mad, I think. Sorryyyyyy, Jill!!! :) At least we didn't act surprised sarcastically! Haha! (I hope you'll get over this and won't be mad at us anymore for spoiling your plan. :p)

By the way, here's the prooooof! Blame your friends, and also Bing Translator. Haha! :p

We brought our things with us already because we would be going home straight in Pampanga together. So, we walked to Mcdo Vega to meet up with Jill's former roommates, Carla and Mayeh (I'm not sure with the spelling). Well, we spent around two hours there, drinking Coke floats, eating fries and flipping the channel of the TV inside Mcdo every minute or so while Jill talked and did a catch-up with her roomies.

After walking Carla and Mayeh back to their apartment, we walked (yeah, although there were still jeepneys at that time) to Jollibee because Jill said she was craving for tapa. I also wanted the corned beef breakfast but when we got there, we were too unlucky because both of our orders were not available. Sigh! Anyway, we stayed there up to 4am, then we decided we wanted to go home already.

The trip on the way to Cubao and then Cubao to Dau was just around 2 hours and 30 minutes compared to the usual 4 hour trip. When we got to Dau, we decided to hang out first somewhere because 6:30 in the freaking morning is too early to go home yet. I myself didn't inform my mom that I'm going home that day. I also feared that our gate would not be opened yet and I'd be staying outside our house until someone wakes up.

We rode a jeepney until we got to Angeles, and went down in front of HAU. We wanted to go to Mr. Ramyun but sadly, when we got there, it was still closed.

I suggested Cofiacad near Chowking, but again, it was also closed. So sad! When we reached Jenra, Imo and Rose went ahead, so Kwong, Jhared, Jill and I still walked in search for a place to hang out. Good thing we opted that way, because we suddenly saw Perfect Loaf beaming right at us. So there, we stayed there and ate until it was time to go home.

Anyway, I'm just narrating what we did and where we went because if I'm going to write what we talked about, the stories we shared and all, this blog post would be a novel. Lol, but kidding aside, despite the drowsiness we were all feeling, we enjoyed this experience. A lot! ♥

So, once again, WELCOME HOME, JILL! We missed you! Visit us here in LB again, soon alright! Or maybe let's go malling there in Pampanga. We can't wait for next semester, and we are all hoping you're going to stay with us here at Fifth! :) ♥♥♥

Three-day Insaaanity

I'm falling down fast tonight, falling flat on my face, coz all I see is how dark it is, how cruel and twisted my fate's going to be and how gloomy the world is at midnight. There's a little hope inside me, wanting you to catch me from my fall, wishing that you'd realize how meant to be we are, how long I've swooned over you, and how fast my heart beats for you. -June 5, 2012

I wish we could swap places. I'm hella sure that things would be way easier. I'll be you - the guy, and you can be me- the girl.Then I'd court you, I would show you how much I actually care for you without feeling too awkward about showing it. I mean, I'm not saying I'd wanna literally court you. Seriously, I just want you to see how much I like you. Really. I also want to know id you'd ever like me again. I need an assurance, a go signal, a thumbs up, anything... I don't wanna hang onto something that's not even there. It feels like waiting for rain in a drought, waiting for a mail that got sent a million miles away, waiting for a prince who doesn't even exist. I wanna wait for you and tell me that you feel this too. But, I'm not giving you an infinite time to decide. One day I'm gonna get tired of this blind-eye I'm playing at, I'm gonna be sick of waiting for you, I'm gonna stop fantasizing that we even have a shot. Because... It's taking you forever to realize that, and I ain't sticking that long to wait for you. And, one day, you'll get this crazy too, wishing you didn't let me get away. You'll wish you had realized sooner. Hell yeah, you will. Unless you realize everything now, and save me from this heart break that I'm feeling. -June 6, 2012

I think today is the day that I actually give up and force myself to totally move one and forget everything about you. Well, if I can do it.But... Ugh, I don't freaking know what to do. I just know that it hurts more now than it had hurt before I got myself into believing again that it's different this time. I also feel that I'm such a stalker now or whatever you call that girl who's losing her ind over this guy. Ugh, stupid, stupid! I freaking wanna stop everything I'm feeling for you. I hate myself for being so blind. I hate you for being numb. I hate this! -June 7, 2012

So... Okay... Doesn't the title fit what you just read? Yes, I'm not going to deny this, but I kinda get insane when I am "in-love". Sorry, forgive me, I'm just a girl. Joke. Anyway, it's funny how different you would feel after about 5 weeks and yet during that time, it was all you ever thought about, heck HE was all I ever thought about. I guess it's not really funny at all. Well, kinda maybe, like how pathetic I were. But honestly, now I'm going to wait for whatever I must be waiting for. I swear, I'll limit myself when being too emotional like that. I won't let my world revolve around one guy ever again. (Well, I hope so! Haha!)

It's Good to be Back!

Hello! So, this is my first blog in two years... I'm actually running late right now, I have to be back in LB before 7, so I'll read my previous posts later. A lot has happened to me in two years, like I'm now in college, even in UP, which I didn't actually dream of while growing up. I was thinking I was going to end up where my parents graduated, in HAU, which is in Pampanga. So yeah, I've got tons more to blog about, like updates about me, my school, UPLB, and a lot more, really. And by the way, this blog is actually for me. I write to express, not to impress. It's more of a ranting place and somewhere I could actually say anything (with limitations, of course). So, going off now.. Ciao!