There are times when life feels unbearable, when you're barely
hanging by a thread, when a heartache feels more like a void sucking
every part of you. This is one of those times and I can barely manage. I
feel like I am close to depression. It feels so awful and devastating
how most of the time sleeping is much more preferable than reality. I
find solace in my dreams and living in them feels a helluva lot better. I
know it is pathetic to think that way but it's the truth. And I've
already said 'feels' a lot, but that's just that: there's so much feels.
All these feelings makes me lose my sanity an inch per minute. It's
just that everything is too much to take in. In all of my teenage years
I've been too emotional, this is the first time I felt so hopeless,
helpless and less in every way. There's just too much on my grill right
now and I feel so weak to bear it all or carry everything up my
shoulders. I'm just a really plain and ordinary girl, I'm no superwoman.
I
may not be super, but I can proudly say I am anything but an emo too. I
just cannot let myself succumb to this depression. I am not a quitter
nor a loser. I am stronger than I think I am. No matter how close I am
to falling apart, I won't let myself.
There was this quote or saying that was stuck in my head: There are brighter days. It
may just be a seasonal thing, this feeling that is torturing me. I know
this is just a challenge that I must overcome. Life will eventually get
better, no matter how down I am. And isn't there something that goes
like this: in order to go up, one must go down. I may be at the bottom, but the only way is to go up.
Also, I may not be really hopeless. I have Someone up there watching
over me. I know I am not alone in this. I have Him. He will help me
overcome this. Yep, there will be brighter days.
